Maintaining That Relationship

Here’s a thought. You are in a relationship, and it’s past the honeymoon phase ( I give that 4 months) and the question arises. How do you maintain the relationship? I’ve had a few relationships in my past. Some long, some short, some longer than they should have been, some shorter than I wanted. Well, no the last part not as true. I’ve had a couple of bad ones, most good, and one that was great for the most part, until it plummeted into abysmal. So I have a bit of a basis for what works. And this might be at least for me, but kind of like the Golden Rule, I don’t think you can mess anything up by following it.

Avoid complacency. That is the biggest, most important one. We are all busy. That is just how life now works. You can fall into the rut of always seeing movies on the couch together, with one of you dozing off for the boring mid-part of the movie, and then vehemently denying that it happened (who me??) You might let how you dress for going out to dinner with that person slip a bit as you, in the back of your mind, think you don’t need to impress him anymore, because you have him. Getting lazy on shaving your legs, not doing your makeup. Wearing your yoga pants because they are So Comfy! While you are in the early part of a relationship, or getting to the point of it becoming a relationship, both parties are on best behaviour, wanting to make the right impressions, remembering little things as far as likes and dislikes. Taking the person’s feelings into consideration. Why does that have to drop off after a while?

There was such a cute couple in the store yesterday. Made me wonder if I could ever meet someone who would be that thoughtful and loving to me after being together for 47 years. They still looked at  each other like they were the only people in the world. They talked of the trips they were going on, and had been on, and so lovingly teased each other. She was going to keep him around “for a few more years”. And then the husband recounted the story of visiting the jeweler where the engagement ring he had picked out was being sold. How he  went in every week until he could get it. How excited he was to have made the money so he could. And how his girl saw the ring and told him to “do the whole bended knee thing”. He was actually tearing up remembering this event in their lives, and she proudly showed me that ring, just like a newlywed. It made me long for the “old days” when marriage actually was forever, and people in a relationship or marriage don’t feel like they might be missing out on something, and feel like “just looking” online to see who else is available.



There was a quote on a billboard of a church which said something to the effect of “Don’t ruin what you have by wanting what you don’t” Very appropriate in the relationship forum. Why don’t we actually put all of our efforts into making the relationship you are in the best one you have ever had? Do things together, have actual conversations, look at your partner as your rock, your refuge from the chaos of the rest of your lives. Yes, the kids, and jobs, and families, and life take up a lot of time. But small thoughts go a long way. Just the tiniest thing can make someone feel so special. Making a coffee, or picking up that book that she mentioned but has been to busy to buy. Just show that you listen, and are paying attention. And you still care for them.

If I was to actually make it to 90, I would love to have my partner in crime in the scooter beside me so we could race through the mall, causing havoc, and giggling like children. So what if people would think we are crazy. We might be, but we would be together.

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2 comments on “Maintaining That Relationship
  1. Dress In Ink says:

    I really enjoyed this entry. I am in the midst of a “rut” in my relationship. We both work so much– and our schedules are never the same. I spend a lot of weekends alone, and a lot of weeknights working late into the night (sometimes into the early morning). It’s depressing how our jobs have completely severed our desire to try. We get one night a mont where we do something special and it’s over quickly because one of us has a deadline.

    I don’t see us looking back on our time now and thinking “wow, that was memorable.” It’s sad.

  2. […] Maintaining That Relationship ( […]

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